The Bowling Ball – Honeymoon Is Over

Wow, the last year or so has gone by fast hasn’t it?  Remember when I said the bowling ball is getting ready to pick up speed?  It’s true.  It went from just getting started rolling to now starting down the hill and it’s going to be hard to slow it down soon. You are still very happy and your relationship is still strong for the most part.  However, it does have a few cracks in it that need to be sealed up soon before it gets any worse.  This is the stage where most people would say that the honeymoon is over, and you’re not even married yet!   You have been together for a long time now.  You know most everything about someone by now, or at least you think you do.  And most of us have either started living together or least stayed the night on more than one occasion.  So you have a feeling whether this is someone you could end up spending the rest of your life with.  There have been disappointments along the way and you have found out some things that you probably wished you hadn’t.  But for the most part, life is good.  Once you have been together this long, you feel like you are married, just not proper yet.  This is where things start moving a little faster.  If you have been living together for while you start talking about your first house, after you get married of course.  If you haven’t moved in together yet, now the heat is definitely on to get married soon.  Because if one more friend or family member asks you when you guys are finally going to tie the knot, you are going to end up in the loony ben.  You see, things are moving much faster for most couples now and soon forgiveness doesn’t come quite as easily as it used to.  Forgetting to call one evening after a night out with friends is a little less acceptable.  When we are first dating the term acceptable isn’t something we think about much.  There aren’t any rules yet.  No curfew, no questions about how much time you spend with your friends, no questions about much actually.  Especially when you are not living together.  But as the relationship builds the term acceptable is pretty much a given and there are certain things that are just “understood”.  Of course for some of us that needs to be spelled out more clearly.  But they usually get the point eventually.  This transitional time in a relationship can be challenging for sure.  And now issues that come up are usually a little more substantial like disagreements on wedding arrangements or not agreeing on what type of home to buy.  These are pretty normal things that couples go through.  But it is how you handle them that will be stored away in memory and will rear its ugly head again eventually.   Keep in mind that all of these things end up sticking to the bowling ball and needs to be cleaned off.  But guess what, we don’t take the time to sit down and clean it.  We are way too busy to sit down with each other and discuss what is bothering us about the other person.  And remember, it is much easier to just go along with our daily lives and believe that your significant other understands and is not really upset.  And the reason that you may feel that way is because on the outside things do appear to be going along smoothly.  I know this is not the case for all women, but for the most part they are way more forgiving than men and they can also hide their feelings much better.  Let me give you an example that many of you can relate to.  Let’s say that the two of you have had a few issues that have come up over the last month or so. You know, relationship stuff that happens to all of us.  You notice that she has been a little quieter than normal the last couple of days.  You actually feel pretty good about yourself for noticing.  How very astute of you.  So you do the right thing and ask if everything is okay or if there is anything bothering her.  She says “No, I’ve just been tired the last couple of days”.  Oh my goodness, if there were any more red flags waving in the air you would be seeing red!  I think that was supposed to be funny but I’m not sure if I pulled it off or not.  Never the less that was a huge red flag so you immediately stopped and asked her what was wrong, right?  Wrong!  You said something stupid like, “Okay Honey, I just wanted to make sure everything was okay”.  Well, of course it’s not but she just didn’t want to have a big discussion about it right then.  And you, you clueless fool, you thought she was really just tired.  So to bring this all back around there was obviously something bothering her but you will never know what it was because you two never sit down and clean the bowling ball.  Eventually things will get back to normal, and she will bury that little nugget along with all of the other “little things” that have been bothering her over the last year or so.  Now, before you start firing up the computer and start sending me hate mail, I know this type of thing happens both ways and I could have easily made a different example, but I thought this would be relatable to more people so please forgive me.  Keep in mind that cleaning the bowling works both ways.  There are plenty of things that bother the boys as well, and they are way more compelled to not talk about it and those feelings are buried too.  This was just another example of another leaf or piece of trash sticking to the bowling ball and now it is starting to pick up even more speed.  So is it too late once it starts to pick up this much speed?  Absolutely not.  However, the more time you let go by and the more stuff and speed that the ball picks up, it will start to become harder and harder to stop. So just remember this, even though it would have been much easier if you would have started talking a lot sooner, it will be much easier now than down the road when your relationship is falling apart. Taking the time to talk is hard, even though that sounds ridiculous saying it, but the sooner you start to understand just how important it is the sooner you can start to save your relationship.