The Bowling Ball – Nearing The End

I bet if you asked people if they could remember the point when they knew their relationship was over most of them could tell you. Some could probably give you a detailed moment in time but almost all of them could tell you when it started to decline. And that begs the question if they could remember when their relationship started to fail why did they not try and save it. Of course there are more than one answer to that question. For some, they knew they wanted out so they just let the relationship run its course until it ended. And for others, maybe they didn’t realize how far gone the relationship was. And there are many other scenarios in between. But the point is that it doesn’t matter how you got here. It is never too late to try and save your relationship. Now it has to be a 2-way street of course. If only one of you is interested then it is time to move on. Now you may be asking yourself where is the bowling ball in all of this. Well…I’m glad you asked. By the time your relationship is nearing the end the bowling ball has picked up some much stuff that it is rolling fast and out of control. This is your last chance to stop it. It can be done but it is going to take a lot of work. But if you are committed to trying to make things work, now is the time to make a plan. If the bowling ball is out of control there is no way to clean it up overnight. So don’t try. That will only make things worse. The key is to sit down and understand that you have a problem. And this is going to hard, maybe the hardest thing you’ve ever had to do. Especially if your significant other doesn’t want to sit down and talk about it. But this your last chance to save your relationship if it can be saved. You need to be direct and to the point. Let them know that is the last chance to try and make it work. And if they are not willing to sit down and talk about it then it may be time to end it right then. But if they are willing then start slowly. Remember when I said earlier that you weren’t going to be able to clean it off overnight? Start by first acknowledging that you know that your relationship is in trouble but you are willing to do whatever it takes to fix the issues. If you can agree on that then you are on the road to recovery. It may be a long road and still may not end the way you want it to but your relationship still has a chance. But that can’t be your only talk. You can’t just take a deep breath and say, “wow, I’m glad that’s over with”, because this is just the beginning. Make a plan to start talking at least once a week. As you start talking you will be amazed and what has gotten stuck to the bowling ball over the years. Things that happened years ago. And that’s when you realize how by not taking the time to clean the bowling ball from the beginning, that negative energy has been around your relationship all of this time. Now, let’s say that you are so glad you are now talking on a regular basis because you have had so much built up anger, frustration, you fill in what best describes what you are feeling. Although it is good to get all of this off of your chest, it may not be wise to through it all out there in just your first couple of talks. Make sure that you are taking the time necessary to help them understand each point and what they can do to help resolve that specific issue. For example, let’s say that you finally decide that you are going to tell them everything that has been bothering you for all of these years. You are really going to let them have it. It seems only fair, right? They are the ones that suggested that we do this so why shouldn’t I tell them how I feel. Well, in theory you may be right. However, by doing that you may feel better and may feel like a huge weight has been lifted but may have done more damage than you thought. If you go to the extreme, they may feel like you are so angry and hear in your voice so much anger, that they may feel like there is no going back. That you don’t want to be in this relationship anymore and they might just shut down. So my suggestion is to take this opportunity to start slow and pick just a few things at a time and build on every discussion. Because now you know how well this works and you will continue cleaning the bowling ball for the remainder of your relationship. Unfortunately, sometimes it is too late. Maybe your relationship is too far gone to be saved. Sometimes the relationship is over years before you actually split up. You are now just going through the motions. How many times have you heard couples that are now split up say that they shouldn’t have been together for the last year or so but it was too hard to leave. It happens all of the time. Sometimes the bowling ball gets going so fast and so out of control there is no stopping it. And eventually it is going to run into something and break apart, just like a relationship. The key is to keep it from getting out of control. So let’s do a quick recap from start to finish.