The Bowling Ball – Recap

So by now you should have a good grasp on what I was trying to help you understand about how important communication is in a relationship. I know that it might have taken a little while for you to understand where the bowling ball fit in to this story, but I’m glad you stuck it out. Now let’s bring this all in to focus with a recap from start to finish on the journey of the bowling ball. Every relationship begins as a clean bowling ball sitting atop a hill ready for its descent. The goal from day one should be to keep that bowling ball as clean as possible because it will start picking up small things in the very beginning stages of the relationship.  But most people don’t think about what they need to do to keep a healthy relationship in the beginning. So we don’t talk about the small things that might be bothering us. And I’m talking about both men and women. So we just assume everything will work out just fine and life goes on. But the bowling ball has started picking up a few things already and has started down the hill, slowly at first. As our relationship picks up steam, so does the bowling ball. But now the issues are a little more serious now that we are farther along in the relationship. But we continue on still not giving much thought these “small issues”. But the bowling ball continues to pick up a few more things and now it is starting to pick up the pace. Life moves on and you get married and now would be a perfect time to clean the bowling ball and get everything out on the table. But communication can be hard work. And it’s much easier to just pretend like they are just little things and brush them aside. The bowling ball picks up all of those little things that you didn’t think were important and now it is really moving. It is getting close to being out of control. And there is one thing that can really get it moving faster! Any guesses? That’s right, kids! Remember, I’m not writing this book to tell you that kids are the worst thing a relationship and that you should never have them. Quite the contrary. Starting a family is one of the best experiences you will ever have. You just have to survive the first couple of years. Okay, I feel better. I just didn’t want everyone thinking I was railing on having a family. So I digress. But starting a family is hard work. And if you haven’t taken the time to clean the bowling ball yet, it can start to get out of control very quickly. So now we are in full survival mode, right? No sleep, grumpy, touchy, no time for each other and feeling the everyday stress of raising a family. And the now the bowling ball is picking up stuff right and left. It’s hard to even tell if it is a bowling ball anymore. But remember, it’s not too late! You can still save your relationship. But you have to start now! But unfortunately you don’t. You decide to have more kids and now life struggles start to happen. Maybe you lose your job. Or any of a million other things start to happen and it is really taking a toll on your relationship. The bowling ball is now officially out of control. You still have one last chance to stop it but after that, it is too late. The bowling ball crashes and breaks apart, just like your relationship. The next thing you know you are divorced with kids. I have a great book on being divorced with kids too which you can find on my website, www.brentireland.com. Just a shameless plug. Or maybe all of this took place before you were married and you are single again. Either way, your relationship is over and it is time to start over. However, just because this has happened to you once doesn’t mean it has to happen to you again. I hope you can learn from the story of the bowling ball and it can help you in future relationships. I wrote this book after learning from my own mistakes and it is my hope that you can take even just one thing out of this book and apply it to your future relationships and start saving them from the very beginning. Don’t wait until it might be too late. And hopefully I have found some of you to save your relationship right now, before it is too late. Remember, whether you are just starting a relationship now, or you are in the middle of raising a family, it is not too late to start communicating. Remember to start slow. Rome wasn’t built in a day. But start talking now about the little things so they don’t become big things. Every relationship is a like a sticky bowling ball rolling down a hill. Picking up things as it goes until it is rolling out of control. The key is to keep it clean so you can keep up with it as you go through life. If this book helps just one of you save a relationship that was in trouble then I will consider it a success.