The 30 Percent – Book In A Blog

I wanted to write a book on this but after giving it some thought I think it will work best if I tell it as a story in a blog. So I will start it and work on it over time that way if you are interested in it you can read it as I go. So what is The 30 Percent about? Let’s find out.

It would probably be safe to say that I have had a pretty stressful life. Especially in my relationships. In the best interest of everyone involved I think it is best to probably keep names out of it. This story is about my last relationship which ended recently. I can honestly say it was one the most stressful times of my life. To the point where I didn’t think I was going to make it. So what is The 30 Percent? In every relationship you have a breaking point of when it gets to the point where you can’t handle it anymore. For some people it is not much. I have friends that basically end a relationship after the first issue that comes up. For others they are in it for life and they simply cannot get out of their relationship no matter how bad it is. I like to break it down like this. In most healthy relationships about 90 percent or more is great and maybe 10 percent is really hard. If you are lucky your relationship or marriage will stay at 90 percent forever. But for many of us that percent changes as time goes on. After a while maybe 80 percent is good and 20 percent is bad. And some relationships are so toxic and so complicated that you feel like it is impossible to get out. That is where I was before I realized what my limit was. 30 Percent. And not the 30 percent that you are thinking.

Like I said in my first post, my life has been pretty stressful when it comes to relationships. And I realize that I am partly to blame for that. However, sometimes I feel like I live in the Matrix. You know how some people say that God never gives you more than you can handle? Lies…..haha. I don’t buy that. I was married and divorced by the time I was 33 and had 2 beautiful daughters. I focused on being the best father I could for the next 15 years and never really had what I would call a serious relationship and that was by choice. But as my girls got older I was more open to the idea and started to have some serious relationships. But this story is about my most recent so I digress. I met her in the grocery store of all places. In today’s world where 95% of people meet online, meeting someone at the grocery store felt like I made it up. But nope it’s true. She worked there part time and I would see her at least once or twice a week. We had instant chemistry without even talking. But I could tell she was much younger than I was so I just played it cool. Or as she would later tell me…I was playing it dumb. We eventually started talking and over time both of us would look forward to seeing each other and I would try and pick days that I knew she would be there so I could see her. This went on for a year and a half until one day when I was leaving she said “hey this is my last day” and I couldn’t believe it. I was crushed. I never got up the nerve to ask for her number because of the age factor and now I would never know. The way we looked into each others eyes when she told me was something I will never forget. I feel like she was wanting me to ask for her number but sadness in both of our eyes because I think we both new that I wouldn’t ask. But you know this can’t be the end of the story…..right?

I don’t know how long it had been since I had seen her last but I thought about her all of the time. I couldn’t get her out of my mind. I still went to the grocery store 3 or 4 times a week and I would still look for her even though I knew she wasn’t there. I don’t know why I go to the grocery store so often but I think I might have a problem. But I digress. It must have been at least 4 or 5 months now since I last saw her. Then one day I was at the grocery store and was walking to the same self checkout area that we first met and I couldn’t believe it. There she was! Right in front of me at the self checkout line. I immediately said “hey I know you” and as she turned around the look on her face was complete surprise. We both couldn’t believe that we saw each other again. It was busy and the line was long so we didn’t have much time to talk but at that moment I was not going to waste the opportunity again. I saw her name tag and now new where she worked and I said “hey I’m going to come find you soon and we can talk”. She looked at me and said ” you better”. I walked to my car looking for her but she was already gone. But that’s okay….I had a plan.

I knew as soon as left the grocery store that last time that I was going to find her again. I was not going to let her slip away again. I still had the same hesitation because of her age, or at least me thinking she was too young for me. But after seeing her the last time and feeling the connection I felt like it had to be worth at least seeing where it might go. Boy….if I could find a time machine. Anyway, the plan. I knew I had some time that next day that I could stop by where she worked but I had no idea when she worked or what department she worked in. So it would be completely by random chance once again. She worked in a large department store so I knew I had my work cut out for me. So here goes nothing. I walked in slowly at first because I couldn’t believe I was doing this. I had know idea where I was looking so I was just walking around. And then like it was fate around the first corner there she was! I couldn’t believe it. And it was slow and she was standing there by herself. My God what do I do. Well…I’ve come this far and you already know what I do next. I take a deep breath and I walk up to her. As she looks up and our eyes meet it was a feeling that I can’t explain. Her eyes grew to size of saucers. She could not believe that I was there. And then I said “I told you that I was going to come find you”. She said not in a million years did she ever think she would see me the next day. You know, I have this weird feeling right now as I write this. Looking back on how everything started and how wonderful everything was in the beginning. I feel myself forgetting how I got to this point. But we are getting there you just need to enjoy the story. Our meeting was brief but I asked for her number and she wrote it on a sticky note. I actually think I still have that sticky note. I joked about why I never asked for her number before and in doing so I found out her age. Much younger than me….just like I thought. Now what do I do. Let’s find out.

So now I have a sticky note with her number on it. Now what. I start having second thoughts because of her age. Now I know what some of you are thinking…age is just a number. And that is true. However, we are talking about a 20 year difference and I’m 50 so do the math. I also have 2 daughters to think of and how what they might think and how they might feel about it. On one hand yes it is my life and I should be with who I want to be with. But my girls are the most important thing in my life and they will always come first. They were very young when I got divorced and I have worked really hard over the years to make sure our relationship was always strong. I would not ruin that for a relationship that I’m already hesitant about. So….I’m staring at the sticky note throughout the day and after overthinking the situation all day I finally did it. I sent her a text. As we were texting I sensed she was hesitant too but I wasn’t sure what it was. My age, was she in a relationship already, was she overthinking like I was? But after texting for a while I finally asked her if she would have dinner with me and she said yes. So we made a plan to have dinner the next week. This is where it starts to get interesting. So stay tuned.