The Bowling Ball – Decision Time

Well, the time has come. You have been in this relationship for a long time now. A long time can mean different things. For some, a long time is 3 or 4 months, but I bet for the majority it has been more than a year and you are both definitely committed to each other. Even if you haven’t popped the question yet. And this probably means something different for men and women. For men, they are probably starting to get nervous about how to ask you to marry him. Most men are pretty confident that their girlfriend will say yes and they feel really good about the relationship. Although, if they really stopped and took a real in-depth look at their relationship they might see more red flags than they want to. And that is exactly why most men decide not to think too much about it. Full steam ahead! Women on the other hand think very differently about their relationship. I have talked with many friends of mine that are women, and when I asked them about how they felt about getting married there was a theme. They all seemed to have some reservation about it. Maybe he didn’t seem as committed as they were. Or maybe he had some bad habits that really bothered them. Or maybe he wasn’t financially stable. But the craziest thing that I heard from all of them is that they didn’t think it was a deal breaker…because they all felt that it would change when they got married! Wait…what? Yes, they all thought marriage would make it all better. Girls, if you are reading this before you get married please pay close attention to what I’m about to tell you. That is a huge mistake. There are three things that I’m certain about in this world. Death, Taxes, and the fact that men do not magically change and give up those bad habits once you are married. Sure, in the beginning you may see a change. Being married is new to both of you and the first couple of months are very exciting. You get to introduce your spouse as your husband or wife. You have many firsts as a married couple. But then reality will soon set in and he will go back to never putting his clothes in the hamper and never rinsing out the sink after he brushes his teeth. Gross by the way. Those are just a few examples but feel free to insert bad habits here. Remember when I said it was going to be hard to change him. This is what I meant. And every time he forgets to rinse out the sink or leaves a dirty plate with food still on it on the counter for you to clean up guess what happens? You guessed it. Add another piece of trash to the bowling ball. You may not say anything at the time, but it is driving you crazy. Or worse yet, you actually do say something and you get the “sorry, I’ll do it next time” answer. By the way guys, don’t every say that. Trust me. This is what I mean by the fork in the road. I have talked with many young couples since my divorce, and always ask them the same question individually. If your soon to be spouse has bad habits that absolutely drive you crazy are you willing and prepared to love them and live with those habits no matter what? Because if your answer is yes, but I know I help change them so it won’t be that big of deal. Wrong answer! The answer needs to be yes, I can live with that. Because if you hesitate about that answer and honestly cannot answer yes than you have a problem. And honestly is the key word. Most of us can always justify an answer, but you need to be 100% honest with yourself on this one. And this is where it gets hard. Sometimes we know that maybe we should not be together, but we have been together so long that you can’t imagine yourself without them. However, this is where you need to make possibly the toughest decision you’ve ever had to make to this point in your life. If you see potential issues that you may not be able to get past, the best thing for both of you is to end it. Because believe me, as hard as it will be to end the relationship now, it is nothing compared to ending your relationship in divorce after you have children. So, with all that being said let’s bring it back to the bowling ball. You have made it this far and you are ready to take the next step. Have you cleaned the bowling ball yet? You haven’t? It’s not late yet but you better not wait too much longer. Because we are getting ready to pick up the pace!