The Bowling Ball – Life Struggles

Remember when we were kids and thought we would never get old. I can think back and remember when I was around 10 and thinking how old people were when they were only in their 40’s. Little did I know how fast I would get there too. And how many life struggles most of us will face by the time we get there. It seems like they start around high school with what we now know are little things, but when we were in high school seemed like the biggest issues ever and that the world was coming to an end. The girlfriend breaking up with us. We were supposed to be together forever! Or maybe you and your best friend going your separate ways. As we get older we know that things will work itself out. But at that age it sure seems like the hardest time of our life. Ah…the good old days. For most of us, high school and college were some of the best times of our life. No real responsibilities. Didn’t need a lot of money to live. Could eat pizza every night and really not feel the effects. I know what you are thinking. Brent, are you going to get to your point anytime soon? Okay, you’re right. My point is that as we get older we are all going to have our fair share of life struggles. Some of us would say more than our fair share, and that’s fair. Did you see what I did there? I can’t help myself sometimes. Anyway, by the time you start a serious relationship both of you have already had a few struggles. But as time goes on they sometimes are more than we can bear. We have already talked about starting a family, but what about after that. Maybe you lose your job and have a hard time finding another one. Or maybe you can’t decide whether one of you should stay home with the kids because daycare is just crazy expensive. These are all issues that many of us deal with. I had my own business around the time my first daughter was born. My company was an authorized dealer for a major home security company. About a week after my daughter was born, my dealer rep Ben came to see me and I knew something was up and it wasn’t good. The company was cutting back their dealer program and because we were a small company were done. Immediately. There was no grace period. There were 1000’s of small companies like mine that were basically shut down over night. Think there was any stress at my house! And keep in mind that my daughter was about a week old. People go through these types of struggles every day and the stress can be immense. But they can also be smaller struggles. Maybe you and your in-laws can’t seem to get along. Or maybe one of you doesn’t like the other’s friends. Don’t you think that would be important stuff to talk about? But you would be surprised how many people just bury it down deep and never bring it up. Guess what that means…yep…the bowling ball is picking up steam. And this time it is picking up some heavier pieces and starting to roll fast. Keep in mind, that if you would have cleaned the bowling ball on a regular basis some of these issues could be worked out easily over dinner. But you decided to do what millions of other’s do and decided not to communicate. And why? Because it is hard to sit down and talk about things that are uncomfortable to talk about. It is much easier just to move on and pretend everything is okay…right? Now, remember in the last chapter when I was talking about how hard it is when your kids are younger and you just need to hold on until they are all over the age of five? That stretch of marriage is by far the hardest stretch for most of us. It is HARD work! Everyone is tired and stressed beyond belief. And if you throw a few more life struggles on top of that, it can start to destroy your marriage. I have not done any research on this, which is strange since I’m writing a book on how to save your marriage, but I would guess that the majority of divorces happen when the couple has young children. Think about how many couples you know that are divorced with children under 10. The reason is because relationships are hard work to begin with. But then add a few kids in the mix, especially young ones, and it can put you over the edge. Are you starting to understand why it is so important to clean the bowling ball? Because it starts off slow and just picks up a few things. But as life goes on it starts to pick up things fast and starts picking up steam quickly. And if you are not careful before long it can be out of control and unstoppable…but not yet. We will get to that point soon. Let me give you an example of how it can get out of control. Let’s say that one of you has a hard time unloading the dishwasher and finding the laundry basket. And just for the sake of argument I’m going to say it is the guy in this example. But let’s be honest when you saw that example did anyone really think it was the other way around…not! Okay, so you have always seemed to have problems in these areas but your now wife has never really brought it up. Maybe just joked about it with friends but never really sat you down and told her that is really bothers her when she asked you a thousand times and seem to have a hard time understanding her. Those are just a few things that the bowling ball has picked up over the course of your relationship. Now fast forward a few years and you have added a few things to the list that is now sticking to the bowling ball and it is starting to build up and she is really angry. But guess what, she is not just angry at the last few things that you did or didn’t do. All of those times that you left dirty laundry everywhere and refused to help with the dishes have been sitting there forever. And when the big argument comes she may be just bringing up the last few issues but believe me, it goes a lot deeper than that. However, if you would have taken the time to clean the bowling ball years ago, you could have already moved on past that and could be focusing on just the present issue. Can you see where this is going? I bet you can apply this to other areas of life too. Maybe a friend or with your parents. Sometimes it just builds up over time and you can’t take it anymore! My overall point is that life struggles are guaranteed to come up sometime. And they always seem to come up at the worst time. And as the stress of life starts to wear you down and takes a toll on your relationship it can be the beginning of the end. But it’s still not too late!