The Bowling Ball – Time For A Family

Congratulations on making it this far. You have successfully navigated the transition from being single to a relationship and you have popped the big question. And believe me that is no easy task getting to this point. There are a lot of potential hazards that can derail any relationship so getting to this point is a big deal. But this book is about keeping a healthy relationship right? And what have we learned in the first few chapters…anyone? You have to take time to clean the Bowling Ball. Take time to sit down and talk about all of the things that are bothering you. And better yet, make sure there are not things bothering your spouse. They may not be as willing to talk about some of the things that are bothering them. So maybe you need to be the one that goes first and then ask them if there is something you may have done that is bothering them. Encouraging communication can lead to some fantastic talks. But sometimes if we just go through the motions when we are trying to “clean” then we end up missing some of it and those little things can stick to the Bowling Ball and come up again down the road. So take the time to figure it out every chance you get. Because things are getting ready to get very complicated and the Bowling Ball is getting ready to pick up steam….Big Time! Remember way back when, you had this picture in your head of what it will be like to have a family. You can picture yourself with 2 or 3 kids, living in a nice house and everything seems perfect, right? Wrong! It’s not that it is not perfect…just a different kind of perfect. Having a family is very hard work and can take a toll on your relationship if you are not careful. Let me help explain what I mean. You have your first child and she is beautiful. Everything you ever wanted. And for the first few days everything is perfect because you have a nurse button. All you have to do is press the button and the nurse comes to take care of your baby for a while so you can get some rest. Guess what…you are in for a real wakeup call when you get home with your first child. I remember when we came home the first day. We just sat her in the living room still in her car seat and looked at each like…now what do we do? Exactly! Where is that nurse button!! It takes a few days to get into a routine but you finally get settled back in at home. And then it hits you. It will never be just the 2 of you again…for the foreseeable future anyway. Sometimes that can kind of freak some people out. But then one of you has to go back to work soon. And then in a few months maybe both of you are going back to work. Your days start getting pretty hectic. Who is dropping the baby off at daycare? Who is picking up from daycare? What are we having for dinner? Before long as your first child starts to get older you find yourself in a constant struggle to find time for yourself. And guess what that means. If you are having trouble finding time for yourself, how in the world are you going to be able to find time for each other! Exactly! But that is my point. Each stage in a relationship gets a little tougher, and now when you start a family it gets real tough, real fast. You think your bowling ball has been picking up a lot of stuff so far in your relationship, but you ain’t seen nothing yet. I know, I know, but it’s in the dictionary. I have a few close friends that for various reasons started a family in their later years. And in their later years I mean in their 40’s…yikes! I remember when they used to give me a hard time when my girls were young and now the shoe is on the other foot. They don’t think it is so funny now but revenge is sweet. I’m just kidding, I’m not a vengeful person but we have a good time with it. It had been a while since my girls were that young and everything they would talk to me about how hard it is when your kids are young I remember going through the same things. And not to throw a pity party for myself or anything, but I was starting the divorce process when my girls were 4 and not even 1 yet. So it was even more of a challenge for us. I thought the world was coming to an end some days and I’m sure my girls’ mom felt the same way. It was hard on both of us. Okay, I’m done with my pity party, but you can still feel sorry for me if you would like. I know I was going to make a point before I got sidetracked. Oh yeah, I remember now. I would always tell my friends that they just need to hang on until all of their kids are over 5 years old. After everyone is at least 5 it seems like things start to slow down just a little and you feel like you are going to make it. But it seems like it is touch and go until they reach that point. Now, at the time I’m telling them this, their kids were both under 3 so it seemed like a lifetime before they would reach that point. So this brings me all the way back around to my original point, I think. When you first start a family it starts to get challenging right away. Now don’t get me wrong, starting a family is truly amazing. And having children is one of the coolest things you will ever experience. However, it doesn’t take long for life to speed up fast. And this is when it is most critical to clean the Bowling Ball on a regular basis. Remember way back when, when you were just starting your relationship. If it was hard for you to communicate then just think about now. Babies demand a lot of attention and wait until they start walking and moving around all over the place. Holy smokes it gets crazy! By the end of the day you are too tired to argue about anything, let alone just talk. Kids are in bed by 8’oclock and you guys not far past that. Then guess what…you wake up and start all over. And this is just with one kid. Wait until number 2 comes along. Well that is an entirely different story. Take your crazy life and ramp it up exponentially. Okay, now I want you to imagine when you were in the beginning stages and the bowling ball was starting to move and picking a few things here and there. Now imagine how many things the bowling ball is going to be picking up when you have all of this in your life going on. A couple of things each day. The bowling ball is starting to pick up pace big time. Now just a quick reminder, the bowling ball is your relationship and all of the bad stuff sticking to it is the bad stuff in your relationship that you haven’t talked about. We have started to get a little deeper so I just didn’t want to anybody. I crack myself of sometimes. But I digress. So you can see what I’m saying about how fast the bowling ball can get out of control. But let’s say for arguments sake that you have never cleaned the bowling ball before. And you have never really thought about it until you started reading this book. So is it too late to start? Absolutely not! It is never too late to start cleaning your relationship, I mean the bowling ball, I mean…you know what I mean. If you have waited this long you are not going to magically clean it overnight. It is going to take some time. Can you think of something that might take a few times to clean if you haven’t taken the time clean it for a long time? If you wait too long you may have to clean it 2 or 3 times before it gets totally clean. Same thing with the bowling ball. Over the years it has accumulated a lot of unresolved issues and it is going to take time clean all of those off. But, after starting the process for the first time, the next time will be easier and it will get easier and easier until you are essentially starting over. What a feeling! But hold on everyone…pump the brakes a little. If you have never cleaned the bowling ball before, you may be in for some tough talks. Especially those first few. But believe me, it is worth it. I didn’t say it will be easy, but definitely worth it. I can’t wait to hear all of the stories from spouses that tell their significant others that they really need to sit down and clean the bowling ball. The look on their faces will be priceless. Now, if that was it, then the book would be finished. And we all know that can’t be it, right? So let’s assume that you still haven’t cleaned the bowling ball yet and life goes on, getting more challenging every year. I think it’s time to talk about life struggles.